


I Didn't Plan It

by jaystjames



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Anxiety, Attempted Suicide, Ava didn't die, Ava is pregnant with connor's baby, Ava needs help, Chicago Med AU, Depression, F/M, Mentions of Rape, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Suicidal Thoughts, ava bekker deserved better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29496255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaystjames/pseuds/jaystjames
Summary: Chicago Med AUAva didn't die and Connor is still at Med and he still thinks that Ava slept with his father, Ava is now dealing with problems of her own.
Relationships: Ava Bekker/Connor Rhodes (Chicago Med)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	I Didn't Plan It

Ava sat opposite Dr Charles, the walls were bare and she tried solely focusing on his face after everything she needed his help, needed to keep Connor in her life no matter what.

"What happened, if you don't mind me asking, what caused you do this?"

She could sense the pity in his voice, she didn't need to be a psychiatrist for that. She could also feel his sorrowful gaze upon her, he must've dealt with a lot of people like her. She wishes that she wasn't here and that she shouldn't have done what she did in the first place. She feels guilty. She wonders if Dr Charles believes that she slept with Connor's father. But she can't think of that. It will only make her cry. Crying is showing vulnerability. Vulnerability is a weakness.

"I don't know" she lied. She knew exactly why she did it, she just didn't want to say. 

She wants to deal with this on her own.

"Miss Bekker" he says. She knows she can't lie for much longer. If she could just keep it up. "I need to know why you did it so i can treat you properly" Dr Charles continued, his voice laced with pity. She wants the help. She wants everything to go back to how is was before. But how was she going to when everything in her life has collapsed right in front of her. How was she supposed to regain her reputation and gain trust from her fellow colleagues, how was she supposed to get back the one person in her life that meant the most to her. She didn't know.

Her breathing is shaky. She tries to calm down but it's not working. Staring at Dr Charles is daunting. He's her colleague and he is seeing her vulnerable. She doesn't like that, but deep down she knows she has to be honest, the quicker she does, the quicker she can get back to work.

She wants to speak but her mouth feels dry and she feels unable to even move. Before she knows what's happening she's in shaking and in floods of tears. "I can't do this anymore!" she screams. Dr Charles looks at her in pity, he knows it's just best to let her to continue for now.

" I can't live with myself anymore. I can't. I need to get out of here. I feel dirty. Connor should've let me die!" she shouts. She's lucky that she's in a soundproof room. No one can hear her.

Dr Charles looked at her with pity again, "Connor wanted to help you, he's a Dr and he acted on impulse, you as a Dr should know this."

"Connor wants nothing to do with me! He doesn't want to help me, he wants to hurt me!" She cried violently. "I've done nothing wrong and he still insists on hurting me" She continued.

Dr Charles thought carefully about what he as going to say next. "But you killed his father, he has every right to hate you, Ava-"

"I HAD NO CHOICE!" Ava cried. "I HAD NO CHOICE!" she cried again. Dr Charles glanced at her, he was becoming increasingly worried.

"Ava, why did you have no choice?" Dr Charles asked calmly. Ava relaxed, a little, not much when she heard his tone, it wasn't malicious, it wasn't cutting, he cared.

Ava paused, telling him was going to be difficult. " She took a deep breath, she began to speak but violent cries took over her body "HE RAPED ME OKAY", "HE RAPED ME"

Her eyes quickly went to Dr Charles. She was patiently waiting for his response. His eyes softened.

"Miss Bekker, there are people who can help you, get the help you need and help you through this. you are not alone" Dr Charles spoke, he was kind, Ava was very grateful.

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Ava's session with Dr Charles had finished and he had helped her organise therapy sessions and any other things she needed. Of course, currently her job still hung in the balance but again there were probable ways around this. At some point she knew that she'd have to tell Connor the reason why she did it, but he won't even look at her, and so she's not telling him, not just yet. 

Leaving Dr Charles' she felt nauseous, she first assumed that it was just the pressure of the day but then it proved not the case and she realised something was wrong, so she took a pregnancy test.

Fuck. It was positive.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this first chapter and i'll try to update the second chapter soon.


End file.
